


By The Dawn's Early Light

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Tag, Episode: s06e16 Drought Conditions, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-05
Updated: 2007-08-05
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:02:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: Nora held on for a while; didn't want to feel the emptiness of having to let him go.





	By The Dawn's Early Light

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: This takes place right after When The Cause and Cure Is You. It's dedicated to all the people who have taken Nora in and love her as much as I do.  


* * *

The sounds of thunder rumbling in the distance woke Nora from dreamless sleep. She was afraid to move; could still feel Toby close to her. He held her tight earlier that night and the familiar thump of his heartbeat was comfort in their darkest hour. As she stared out the window, watching the rain slide down like her tears, Nora’s life with Toby flashed through her mind like a film. 

The first day they met; that handshake. The aborted first kiss, the real first kiss. The way his fingers moved through her hair when he held her close. Seeing Hannah and Her Sisters, holding hands in the dark. Watching the way his smile could grow and finally break through the protective barrier of his beard. The night they made love for the very first time. The feelings that simmered in her stomach and never stopped. The way he said ‘I love you’ the first time and every time after. 

The ups, the downs, the fights…Toby Ziegler was a hard man to get to the center of. She did, loving him more with each layer that she managed to peel away. Nora was not a fool though; six years in and there was much more to discover. The death of his brother added more layers. Armor that took years to pull away, piece by piece took just one instant to put back on. Before Nora knew it, her husband was…

OK, she had to stop this. She just couldn’t think about it right now. Nora’s hand caressed her stomach. It would be growling soon and she would have to force down food. She was well aware of what was happening to her body. The vomiting, the dizziness, the tiredness… Nora knew she was pregnant. Well, she knew but it was unconfirmed. This was supposed to be a happy time for the Zieglers. She was fully recovered physically from her accident; many memories had returned. Even the ones that had nothing to do with her husband. 

Her husband, she was not going to lose him. Still, a nagging feeling in her stomach told her this was not over. Toby told her things last night; he opened up as he had not in too long to remember. That didn’t mean it was all out on the table and no matter how hard Nora tried she could not brush the feelings off. He had been unfaithful. She did not want to think about it…could not stop imagining it. The image of him touching another woman, kissing another woman, making another woman cry out his name the way she always did. Oh God, the idea made her ill.

Nora took a few deep breaths, pushing away the wave of nausea. Lightning flashed across the sky and thunder boomed behind it. The storm was moving closer; soon it would be right on top of them. Turning over, she was face to face with the open eyes of her husband. Eyes she knew so well. Eyes she could not read now. Toby hadn't slept much either, and if he had it had been as fitful as her own.

“There is a storm coming.” She said.

He only responded with a nod. His face was warm as she caressed it. The soft hair of his beard felt so natural on her fingers. Nora remembered how surprised she was at the softness of him. Nothing about Toby Ziegler seemed soft on the surface. But he was…he was soft, gentle, masculine but so tender. Even now, she shivered as his arms moved around her waist.

“Have you ever lied to me?” she asked.

Toby shook his head.

“Speak to me Toby.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I'm not a liar. Because I love you. Because I never need to.”

“And you’ve never strayed?”

“My God Nora, no. There is no one out there, no woman, who could ever give me what you do. Under the circumstances I could see why…”

Nora put her hand over Toby’s mouth but he moved it away. She needed to hear his words even if she thought she didn’t want to. He needed to say them.

“I have been a bad husband; it’s a fault of mine. There is no way I can turn back time or fix what I have broken. I'm sorry.”

“I know. I just want to move on. I just…I am trying.”

“Don’t desert me Nora. I deserve it but I can't let you do it. Please just give me one more chance. Please sugar.”

“Toby, I'm pregnant.”

“What?”

“I haven’t taken the test and I hate to even say it aloud before I have but…I know my body.”

“You're going to have a baby?”

“We are.” She whispered. “I don’t want to bring a baby into this maelstrom. I need to know that I can count on you. I need to know that this family is your top priority.”

It ran neck and neck with the President’s message. At least it used to, more often than not Toby felt as if he was not being heard in the halls, offices, and bullpens of the West Wing. He and Sam were back together, like Batman and Robin, but it was not the same. Nothing was the same. The second Administration felt more like punishment than a gift.

“Nothing is more important to me than you. I have done a lousy job of showing it but it is true. I just got you back; I would do anything not to lose you.”

“Would you do anything?”

“Yes. Oh God yes. Let me show you Nora…I can show you in a way that even my words could never express.”

“Yes Toby.”

She moaned as he pulled her into a passionate kiss. It seemed so long since she felt his tenderness; his passion. His mouth was warm on hers, his hands trembled as they moved her panties down her legs. Nora rolled on her back and she practically ripped the tee shirt over her head in haste to be naked. The way Toby looked at her; the way his eyes glassed over with desire and awe caused her to pause. That single moment took them from desperate sex to tender lovemaking. He caressed her face, his kisses softer. His tongue stroked her throat; his hands roamed her body.

“Oh God Toby.”

Nora’s back arched as her moans turned him on. How had he gone so long without touching her? How had he breathed and lived without her essence; her life force? Well, he hadn't really. He walked through life like a zombie for weeks.

“I love you, I will always love you. Nora…Nora, Nora, Nora.”

She helped him out of his slacks and button down shirt. When she asked him to come to bed and hold her after the horrible evening she endured, Toby didn’t even bother to undress. Button by button, she touched the exposed flesh with willing fingers. Remembering what his skin felt like, smelled like, it took Nora to another place. Toby wanted to take his time. He wanted to kiss and caress, wanted his mouth to linger, his lips and tongue to taste, his hands to explore and wander. He wanted Nora to moan, sigh, grab him, and pinch her eyes closed. His hands spread her thighs open. The skin he touched was warm, sensitive, and his wife was receptive.

“Ohhh, oh God Toby. Make love to me. Now Toby, don’t make me wait.”

“Shh, I'm right here Nora and I will do whatever you want me to.”

She was so wet, ready, and he slid into her easily. It threatened to take them both over the edge almost immediately. Toby paused, taking a deep breath and holding onto Nora’s hips. She bucked a few times to get him started and soon they were moving together. There was the familiar sound of the headboard on the wall and the way their skin slapped as they came together and moved apart in rhythm. What was missing was the usual sexy banter and downright dirty talk that was synonymous with the Ziegler sexual play. This was not play. This was one of the most serious things Toby would ever do in his life.

“Oh sugar, oh God I love you so much. I love you so much Nora, oh dear God.”

She clutched his back, having lost the ability to do anything but that and moan her pleasure. It was so intense, Toby thrusting so deep inside of her Nora was sure she would never cease to feel him there. She only spread her legs more…lifted her hips in hopes of feeling it even deeper.

“Nora, Nora, Nora!”

She began to sob, the sensation starting at the base of her spine and moving up like an electric current coursing through her body. A scream escaped her lips, a bloody scream, as her orgasm released. Though he tried to hold on, the force of it pulled him under too. He groaned, heaving forward as if shoved, and came in a rush and a call of her name.

Then there was silence. Nora held on for a while; didn’t want to feel the emptiness of letting him go. Soon he fell over on his back, rare for him after lovemaking, and held her in his arms. She was trembling, Toby didn’t know why, but he held her tight until it subsided. She wanted to find words to fill the utter stillness but soon thunder did it for her. She wondered why she didn’t hear it during and the thought filled her mind though it didn’t truly matter. Those thoughts were better than some of the ones she had over the past few weeks.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I Nora?”

“Not just now. Sex is not going to solve these problems Toby.”

“This is not your problem Nora, it is mine. I am going to get better. I am going to be better. I promise you.”

Nora started to cry again and Toby just held her. He let her release her pain and fought hard not to do the same. The battle was lost and soon he was sobbing too. A part of him was upset at the show of emotion and another part of him was grateful. All was not lost…he was still attached to her on the deepest levels possible. Her pain was his and vice-versa. As long as that was so, they could still save this. His own stupidity and neglect might not, once again, be his undoing.

“I can't let our marriage fall apart.” She whispered. “I am strong and have been through so much but I don’t know if I can go through that.”

“Sugar…”

“Don’t say another word. You had your turn to talk tonight and I need mine.”

Nora moved out of Toby’s arms. She wrapped the blanket tighter around her, wiping the stray tears from her eyes.

“I love you and I know, I knew from the very beginning that you would be a challenge. I pushed, I pulled, and I even let many things go. When you love someone as much as I love you, you can take things as they come and hope for better next time. Toby, these past few weeks have been hell. I don’t even know how I kept going. In my heart, I believed that you strayed from this marriage. I lost all emotional connections to you, and our spiritual connection was severed. We can get that back, I truly believe that in my heart. But if you ever fucked her, I swear to God it is over between us.”

“Nora…”

“Shut up! My God, I married a man who fucked a stranger on our honeymoon. I married a man who lied to my face everyday and I never had the strength to call him on it. I swore to myself when I left that situation that no one was ever going to hurt me like Terry did. Easier said than done when the man who hurts you is the man you love so much.”

“I don’t have enough time to rehash all the ways in which I let this go horribly wrong. The things I've done have made me look very bad in your eyes I'm sure but I could never do what you are insinuating. I've been lost in the darkness Nora, I was not looking for another woman because I was looking for you.”

“I was here!” she exclaimed. “I was here the whole time you stupid son of a bitch!”

“I know that. I…” Toby took a deep breath. “This, none of this, was about you. You have been my saving grace. You and Nicky are the best thing that ever happened to me and some days I don’t feel like I deserve it.”

“Some days you don’t.”

“Can I please just ask for another chance? I can get this right and I don’t want to drift away alone…I need to hold onto you. I need to hold onto you because I love you more than anything. And no matter what I do, how I act, or what gets said that is never, ever going to change. My heart doesn’t beat right if you are not close to me. The world looks dark and hazy without you.”

Toby reached out for her hands, comforted by their warmth and strength. They could debate the happenings of the past few weeks forever; argue until they were blue in the face. It would not change what they went through. That part was over and it was being washed away by the storm outside. They had to move on…Nora had to be willing to move on.

“Lets make a deal.” She said.

“I am absolutely no position to turn down anything you suggest.”

“You are not forced to stay with me. You know where the door is Toby.”

“Don’t talk like that. All of this is because all I want to do is stay with you. Contrary to recent mistakes, I never intend to leave you. We made a promise and I will not break it.”

“Then lets make a deal.”

“Yes.” Toby nodded.

“We move on. We just move on Toby because anything less would be beating a dead horse. I can't keep going over and over this. It has affected my work. It has affected my body, my spirit, and the precious little time I have with my child. I'm not going to let it do that anymore. It ends tonight.”

“It ends tonight.” Toby repeated. “I love you. If I ever do something like this to you again, please leave me. Don’t ever let me take you down this road because you don’t deserve it. I'm not saying that to seem like some saint, I am far from it. But hurting you fills me with a pain and rage that I can barely express. My brother…”

“What?” would he finally tell her the second most important thing she needed to hear right now.

“His family is empty now, different. I can't do that to you and Nicky and maybe this baby that we could be having soon. I can't do what David did…I won't ever.”

“David had cancer Toby.”

“Yeah.” He nodded but could not look her in the eye. “I am going to make this right again Nora. Just have a little faith and some patience with me.”

She knew that he would. Toby Ziegler was a lot of things but quitter is a word that could never be used to describe him. Despite the utter insanity they had gone through with her accident, Josh’s leaving, and David’s death, they would come out of it on the other side. A little beaten, a little bruised, but together.

“I love you Nora.” Toby pulled her into his arms. “Always.”

“Me too. I will never stop.”

She let him kiss her again, touch her, make her feel as if she would implode. Then they held each other and made unspoken promises never to be in this place again. Soon they would have to get up, go to the White House and face everyone. Both Toby and Nora wanted to make sure they did that together.

***


End file.
